Finding Wisdom

 

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice

Proverbs 13:10

‘I am not feeling very well today’, I muttered to myself as I sat at my desk that morning. My heart was feeling so heavy I didn’t even want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to cry. ‘Why does he like to hurt me so’, I wept. Yet, his words resounded so much just like many other times. ‘You always complain to me how much you don’t like getting late to work and at the same time, you are the one delaying us’ he retorted. I was surging with anger. I wanted to shout and tell him he is being unreasonable. I kept quiet and looked ahead. He noticed. ‘Now you are angry and won’t even talk’, he said. ‘Half of the time, you act defensively, whenever I correct you, yet you never see me do that to you whenever you talk to me concerning various issues regardless of the tone you use’, he continued. ‘He should not be saying such things to me’, I thought to myself. I took longer than five minutes leaving the house that Monday morning while he was waiting out at the car

My husband has to drop me off every morning on his way to work; it’s quite a long drive. He always drives two hours every day while dropping and picking me from work. Such a wonderful deed could not even cross my mind that Monday morning. I could not understand why he had turned so cold towards me. And yes, I became defensive and angry. I said things like, if you don’t like me talking about my work frustrations whom else do u expect me to tell. He says, ‘I didn’t say you shouldn’t tell me’.

‘You completely misunderstood me, you know me, I would not hurt you’, he said. I could not believe his words, I was already hurt.  After quite some silence, I said ‘I am sorry that I don’t take corrections positively, I will try to be more open to corrections, and having known me for years, then I want to believe that what you are saying is true’. He glanced towards me and said nothing. The rest of the journey we drove in silence. Fortunately, we were all not late. All the more, I felt justified that I should not have received that backlash.

At the time I do not know what hurt most, either the fact that he was right that I act defensively when corrected or that I received a criticism and we didn’t even get late. Now I know what hurt most, the fact that he was telling me the truth. He was being honest with me. That I don’t like to be corrected and that is pride, Period! It has been said truth hurts and I believe them. It hurt so badly and his words resonated in my mind the whole day.

King Solomon wrote some of the amazing wise sayings that have been used to date in the book of Proverbs and that day Proverbs 13:10 hit me like lightening straight into my heart. While I may act defensively feeling justified, I am walking towards the opposite direction of the wisdom spectrum. Further along in the same chapter he says, whoever heeds to correction is honored (Proverbs 13:18b). Again he says, that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (Proverbs 3:34). My imagination run wild on what I would have responded in humility without exuding pride which lead to an argument that had left me hurt and a bad day.

I prayed that day that the Lord God who gave King Solomon wisdom will endow me with the same gift that I may gain knowledge and understanding and reach out to my husband with humility as I allow him to correct and shape me as the leader of our home. It’s hard having to unveil a shield of pride that I had carried for so many years. But it was time, its time I let go and let God. It was a great lesson,  those that care to correct you actually care about you more than you can imagine and they dare to help you become better

Lord, I receive of your wisdom.  I pray that my speech will be filled of your knowledge and understanding and that the meditation of my heart and the words of my mouth will be to glorify you my God.  Thus being counted among the honorable (Proverbs 13:18b).

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